Dear Self, Thank You
I know I can be ruthless when it comes to you.
I'm damn good at picking you apart piece by piece until I've reduced you to sitting on cold floors, apologizing for being human. I know I'm damn good at belittling you for every mistake you've ever made. I know how hard it is for me to celebrate you. I know I have convinced you that there isn't a lot to celebrate you for, but that's a lie. You do hard things to create a better future for us. You look your fears in the face and walk right through them. You'd do anything to protect our peace. The current you makes hard choices so the future us can live better. And I don't thank you enough for that.
So self, thank you.
Thank you for being brave enough to admit when that you struggle with loving us. Thank you for recognizing all the ways you've deprived yourself of love. And thank you for actually working to pour hours and hours of love into us.
Thank you for being gentle with us - even though it's taken years and you still fall short sometimes. Thank you for trying. And thank you for not beating us up when we fall short.
Thank you for having the courage to leave and start over. Even when you didn't know the way or have a plan. Thank you for being committed to leaving and starting over as many times as you need to, until life feels good.
Thank you for accepting that dreams change and walking away. I know it hurt like hell to admit that you're no longer passionate about your work and walk towards the things that set your soul on fire. That's not easy, but you are so brave for doing that for us.
Thank you for walking away from the man who didn't have arms to hold you the way he should have. I know it hurt like hell to walk away at 23, but 26 year old me thanks you.
Thank you for clinging to your values when it was so easy to forget.
Thank you for holding on to your faith even when you were angry at God and he seemed quiet whenever you yelled out for him. Thank you for holding God close even when he continued to call the people you love to Heaven with him. I know your hands are still bloody from hanging on to your faith with every ounce of strength you had.
Thank you for demanding more - from us and from other people. Breaking free from the bare minimum has been a dog fight, but we're better because of it. And everyday that you choose more, our life elevates. So thank you for this view of life.
Thank you for showing up. Even when there was a million other things you would've rather done. Even when it wasn't fun and it was hurt and it hurt like hell to show up. You did anyway.. and simply showing up has unlocked so many doors for us. Just promise to keep showing up, please..
Thank you for asking yourself the hard questions - like: Do you really want this or will getting this fill a void? Why do you keep making excuses for staying in your comfort zone? Are you really running to adventure or are you just running away from something? What are you searching for in others that you're neglecting within? And how can i be better for you?
Thank you for being brave.
Thank you for not settling.
Thank you for continuing to just do the damn work.
Thank you for showing up and clapping for your damn self.
And on the days where you struggle to find the magic flowing through your veins, I hope you read this. I hope you read this and remind yourself of all the incredible things you've done for us - and how thankful we are.