We'll Always Have Oakland
This isn’t a love story.
This is a story about choosing between love and your dreams.
This is a story that I desperately want to be a love story.
And this isn’t even a story, because the ability to form sentences always seems to evade me when it comes to you.
So, this.. this is a collection words about a man that is magic.
And who will always be magic to me, even though our dreams lead us to different time zones.
If you’re reading this.. we’ll always have Oakland.
We both know this won’t last forever, but it feels good right now.
Your arms are the safest place for my bones to rest, right now.
You are handsome and gentle. Strong and safe. Funny with a brilliant mind. Full of talent and so intriguing, I can never seem to quite get enough. You don’t always show up for me in the ways I want, but you’re always exactly what I need.. that’s what makes leaving so hard.
You are a reminder that people come into and leave our lives for reasons only God knows. You are proof that love is never enough to make relationships work — that sometimes someone can be so perfect for you, but the timing just isn’t right.
You are gentle and kind. You make me laugh from the pit of my belly until I can't breathe. You challenges me in ways that are maddening yet intriguing. I feel warmth when I look into your eyes. Your arms feel like home. You smile reminds me that God weaves miracles in our bones.
This may not last, but it’s magic right now.
I met a man so incredible that even if God doesn’t allow us to be together, I pray for his happiness as I do my own; I met a man so amazing that even if I can’t be by his side as his dreams come true, I want them for him as bad as I want my own dreams.
I just can’t be the woman giving up her dreams for a man that later says “but I didn’t ask you to. “ And you’re not the kind of man to take crazy risks for a woman that loves to leave.. especially when your dreams are holding you tighter than I ever could,
The timing isn’t right but there’s nothing we can do about that.
But what happens when you’re right for each other, but your worlds don’t align? What happens when you simply can’t shrink your dreams to include the man who made your heart his home? What happens when the man who loves you can’t walk away from his dreams to fit into your life?
I care about you, but it’s complicated. You know, but my words hold no weight.
Distance leaves a lot of room for assumptions.
God, please let us be gentle with each other while we figure it out.
You told me you weren’t accepting half assed attempts at love… that you weren’t ever going to settle for half — the half of me I wasn’t using to focus on my dreams at the moment, the half love I had to spare after a long day, half effort when I wanted to give it.. and you said if I truly cared about you, I'd be mad at myself for even asking you to settle. You taught me that asking someone to settle for half assed anything was an insult to God.
You showed me that I could be both wild and in love. That love can be freedom too. That commitment doesn't require cages.
It’s you that I want beside me when all of my dreams come true. It’s you that I want holding me the nights those dreams seem too far out of reach. It’s you that I want holding my hand when I’ve lost my way. You're the one I want to laugh through life with. Your eyes are the ones I want looking at me to remind me of magic when I’ve forgotten. Your heart is the one I want to hold space for me.
Whatever time we have, whatever we choose to do with it, let’s just enjoy it. Let’s just enjoy this — for what it is, right now.
You taught me to let go and fall into a whirlwind of love without being able to see through to the other side.
Maybe we’re not meant to last, but can we just enjoy each other for now?
But when the excitement fades and our dreams leave little room for understanding, there will be no illusions left to stand on.
A flight will steal one of us away soon, but for now all I know is the present is a gift:
The look in your eyes
The depths of your smile
All a gift
And if this moment is all we have, we’ll always have this love, in this city, with this view.
I’ll meet you at the intersection of both of our dreams coming true — maybe that’ll lead us to the same city at the right time. Maybe it won’t. But, we’ll always have Oakland.