I Almost Let Self Doubt Win
It’s easy for me to play pretend, easy to put on my mask and show up for the world. It’s easy to play the part of the fearless woman making shit happen. It’s easy to dress up as the woman relentlessly going after what she wants . But that’s not always me.
I’m not always courageous, I don’t have it all together, and some days I’m paralyzed by self doubt. Sometimes I get so mesmerized by my fears, that I’m moved into inaction. Sometimes I get so focused on how the world will see me and my work, that I talk myself out of actually doing the work. So caught up and misplacing energy to feed my fears that I have no fuel to create.
And then God stops me in my tracks and reminds me that my doubts aren’t real, but my magic is — and that magic can only be tapped into when I’m willing to sit myself down and say:
Yes, I’m afraid. I’m damn terrified, but I love myself enough to do the work anyway.
No, I don’t know the whole way just yet.. but I trust God and myself enough to put myself out there anyway.
I will never feel 100% ready or confident. I will never sit down to create without first having to check my self doubt, but I am willing to keep showing up
If I can’t avoid failure, I may as well go all in and fall flat on my face doing all the things I dream about
When you have a dream, you have to get to know your fears on an intimate basis. You have to sit with your doubts and parent them. You have to interrogate your self limiting beliefs... and you have to keep moving anyway. You eventually have to choose: decide to lean into the process of your dreams or run from the work. Go all in or just give your talents weekend custody. But, let me tell you this.. mountains never more from halves: half ass effort, half ass energy, half ass belief. Doors never open for half assed attempts. Lanes cant be paved from half pressure. You will never have the life you dreamed up if you don’t abandon your back up plans and run full force into the work.
Sometimes, I almost let self doubt win. I almost let the work intimidate me into settling. I almost give in to the voices telling me I can’t do it… almost.
And then, I have moments when it feels like God brings my life to a stand-still and silences my entire world, just to show me my own magic. A moment where I can hear angels reminding me that there is no shame in fighting battles with my self doubts..because I will always be more powerful than any amount of doubt that tries to swallow me — and powerful women don’t have to pretend to be constantly fearless when it comes to going after their dreams.
Powerful women are powerful because they aren’t embarrassed to dance with their doubts and waltz with their self worth. Powerful women don’t shy from the work. Powerful women don’t settle for just being kind of good. Powerful women feel their fears and move anyway.
I almost let self doubt win..
But then I remembered that I'm powerful.