People only change when they’re tired of their own shit.
Remember that you did the best you could in the moment and so did the person who let you down.
8:09 PM. February 22.
The moment I finally realized it was over.
I drove 5 hours and 42 minutes to my hotel where I hoped to rest in your smile.
Instead I found myself curled up under the covers of the king size bed swallowing tears and cradling “why’s” to sleep.
Why don’t you want me?
Why am I not good enough?
Why did you wait for me to sacrifice so much before letting go?
Why couldn’t you have told me sooner.
Why didn’t this kind of love win?
What comes after heart break?
Pain. Hard wood floors with tear stains.
Confusion. Anger. Yelling at God.
Oh, but healing comes after heartbreak too.
We can’t deny people the right to choose.
Even if they don’t choose us.
I guess that means dreams and happiness too.
What if they don’t choose us back either?
I am writing myself out of darkness.
But, some days I can’t tell if the writing is healing me — or if the sadness just makes for good poems.
I write about you.
I ask God to keep you safe.
Mainly from yourself.
Because you'd destroy yourself if you could.
I pray to God that you stop falling into the arms that don't
know how to catch you.
I pray you stop choosing loneliness.
You have sadness living in the crevices of your soul.
I pray you let joy in soon.
I can finally say I love myself. It has taken me 25 years, 7 months, 2 weeks,
and 11 days to get here. But, my God is this feeling worth it.
Caring out of convenience isn’t caring at all — it’s manipulation.